When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
- Henny Youngman
More Quotes By Henny Youngman
- Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send...
- A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, “You’re crazy” The man says, “I want a second...
- A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on...
- A guy says, I’m so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I’ll...
- My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
- A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take...
- A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He...
- If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
- A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The...
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the...
- Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my...
- Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a...
- What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.
- Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two...
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