Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.
- Stephen Colbert
More Quotes By Stephen Colbert
- Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
- To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush…I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody...
- Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious...
- Global warming isn’t real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I...
- Vodka eyeballing sounds great, but it’s a
slippery slope. Next, you’ll be scotch nostriling, tequila nippling and,
before you know...
- God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he’s never on welfare in a mysterious way.
- If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to...
- Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.
- It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy...
- Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That’s the sky. If you’re...
- Northwestern’s alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody...
- This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty – unless she’s on the pill,...
- If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community....
- Don’t cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be free yogurt.
- An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
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