Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
- Stephen Colbert
More Quotes By Stephen Colbert
Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to... God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he’s never on welfare in a mysterious way.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to... Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.
It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy... Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That’s the sky. If you’re... Northwestern’s alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody... This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty – unless she’s on the pill,... If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community.... Don’t cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it’ll be free yogurt.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through... Contrary to what people may say, there’s no upper limit to stupidity.
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