If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

More Quotes By Steven Wright

• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
• The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the...
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
• You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap...
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
• Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
• The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re...
• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
• Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect...