Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

More Quotes By Steven Wright

• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
• Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
• It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d...
• When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought,...
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while...
• One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the...
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
• You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap...
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
• The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the...
• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
• Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.